• Carli Perkins

getting comfortable

hi, it's been awhile.

i sit at home, watching greys, just got home from dinner with my dad talking about how justin and i got into an argument, how i wasn't just quite sure how i should have reacted. (just for reference, this is not a post about me airing our dirty laundry). but you know what? that's just life. getting into arguments with your significant other because you're at that point where you're just comfortable. comfortable in the relationship, comfortable with each others feelings and comfortable with the way your breath smells in the morning. it's all easy. messy and easy.

sometimes when i sit down and think about why some relationships that i thought would last forever end up not working out, i wonder if it's because they got comfortable. when people that are in relationships like mine for almost 6 years or more it ends up being that you stop trying. you literally stop "dating" each other. you stop doing all of those things that you once used to do all of the time and made you get flutters every time you talked to them. sometimes you stop going out on dates and simply just say it as you got dinner. or sometimes they don't look at you the way they used too. these things don't stop because you don't love this person, they stop because you do love this person and you feel as though you don't have to show it anymore. and sometimes that hurts worse than someone not loving you. the effort is gone and that is hard. so they end it. "they're better off friends", they say.

when i look at the relationship that i have with Justin, almost 6 years later and 8 months until i get to marry him-- i can say that we are very comfortable. we are guilty of all of these things. i mean, i have even gained lots of love pounds. we've argued until the sun came up. we've slept in other rooms. and we just "get dinner". but i can say with certainty at the end of the day, there is no one else that i would rather be with. Justin is someone who i am comfortable with, but i love being comfortable with him. someone i can cuddle up with on a sunday and talk about nothing. someone that i can actually talk about my day with. and sometimes being comfortable isn't all that bad, because eventually you have that breaking moment where you can either choose to end it and be like the rest, "we just got comfortable and we lost the effort," or you can choose to change your way of what comfortable means and show that you absolutely do love this person and you can find that effort again.

i love Justin more than anything and i wouldn't change the relationship that we have or what we have been through for anything. Justin is my person. my security, the reason i have gotten through a lot of things in life. a big part of getting out of the comfortable stage is all about communication. and while a lot of people aren't good at communicating (i am definitely one of them), you have to open up if you want this to truly work. now, i know that i am no expert in this, i have been with Justin since the beginning of high school and no one else. but i do know that you have to want it. to really work for it. to love them unconditionally. and i have never loved anyone (besides my dog) more than i love Justin.

you can get comfortable. that's okay. but just make sure that you notice the change and then make a change before you can't anymore. getting comfortable isn't all that bad because then you can learn to love them in a different way. better. love is painful. it changes. but love is also the most extraordinary thing in the world.

"It can be scary to find out you've been wrong about something. But we can't be afraid to change our minds, to accept that things are different, that they'll never be the same, for better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we're willing to accept what is and is not what we thought, we'll find ourselves exactly where we belong."

-- meredith grey




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